10 things I learned about sex, desire, and relationships from Esther Perel’s ‘Mating in Captivity’

One chief reason we flounder in this supreme human aspiration is our unwillingness to accept the paradoxes of love — paradoxes like the necessity of frustration in romantic satisfaction and the seemingly irreconcilable notion that while love longs for closeness, desire thrives on distance. How to live with those paradoxes, rather than succumbing to the self-defeating urge to treat them as problems to be solved, is what Belgian psychotherapist and writer Esther Perel explores in Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence public library.

Drawing on decades of her own work with couples and a vast body of psychological literature, Perel offers an illuminating and consolatory perspective on intimate relationships and our conflicting needs for security and freedom, warmth and wildness.

Mating in Captivity invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and Wise, witty, and as revelatory as it is straightforward, Mating in Captivity is a sensational book that will Wired for Dating – Stan Tatkin.

The coronavirus outbreak may pose one of the greatest challenges to romantic relationships in modern memory. For those of us living in close quarters with spouses or partners, how do we live our day to day without resorting to hollering, stony silence, or violations of local and federal statutes? For those of us living alone, what are the rules around online dating ? Esther Perel is on the front lines of this battle. She is a renowned psychotherapist who continues to do couples counseling even as the pandemic rages.

Much of this work can be heard on her popular podcast Where Should We Begin? Listen on Apple Podcasts.